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JJ ABRAMS IS AN ARROGANT SATANIC IDIOT


JJ Abrahms is an idiot Illuminati sucker who steals everthing from other people. He's made a career of recyclying Spielberg but he's never contributed an original idea to any project he's ever worked on. He slaps his name on everything because the Illuminati decided he's the head Jew in charge now of Hollywood.



I've worked with JJ directly on marketing campaigns and I can personally attest to his complete incompetence. I was working on Super Bowl spots for Star Trek with JJ and his "brilliant" idea was to take a standard tv commercial and then run it backwards. He thought that would be cool. We cut a million spots for him and he rejected them all without any reason. He isn't smart enough to critique anything. He just says - no it's not cool enough.

The Super Bowl spot they ended up finishing for Star Trek sucked. JJ is a complete moron. His only innovation is to put blue beams of light everywhere.

JJ steals A LOT FROM ME. HE STEALS FROM ME ALL THE TIME. That's why he does those blue beams of light, that's a reference to him having access to Big Blue so he can steal from me the Messiah.



JJ is a COMPLETE MORON. He only has his position because he's descended from a Jewish mobster family. The illuminati have really destroyed filmmaking in the last 15 years and JJ has been a big part of that illuminati plan to choke off any cool movies from coming out.

Instead, JJ just regurgitates Spielberg over and over again. His nolstagia is a consequence of his lack of inventiveness. He can't come up with any new ideas. JJ is overrated as fuck, it's bizarre that people keep backing dump trucks full of money up to his house.

JJ has been tasked with destroying Star Wars - like the illuminati tried to do with the Star Wars Holiday Special in 1978 - the year after Star Wars came out.



Disney will destroy Star Wars - they have already done a huge amount of damage. Now Han Solo is in every single commercial I see on TV. The Solo sequel looks horrendous. The actor playing Solo is completely miscast. The writing looks horrible and Ron Howard is a lame lame lame director. JJ is the mastermind of the destruction of Star Wars.

Check out this 10 minute animated sequence from the Holiday Special. This one segment almost makes up for how shitty the rest of the Holiday Specail was. The animation is amazing (obv inspired by Moebius the French Illustrator). Boba Fett gets a great introduction (first time he ever appeared in a Star Wars production). Really this little film could have been the prequel Solo they just released. Add in Lando Calrissian and a sky city and you could have a film a million times better than Ron Fucktard's Solo.



Lost is now a footnote because in the end it sucked. JJ Abrams' writers knew how to start a mystery but had no idea how to finish it. He also didn't give a shit about that, because by that time other people had taken over and he'd gone off to do Fringe, which was basically marketed as "The guy who did Lost is doing The X-Files." Also, it sucked. Then he did Undercovers. Oh, you don't remember that? Neither does anyone else.

JJ's first Star Trek movie was a mess. First of all, the central plot is impossible to take seriously. Basically, a star somewhere went supernova and then, somehow, destroyed the central star of the Romulus system. This is scientifically impossible. Period. End of story. A star going supernova is immediately catastrophic to its own solar system. It might then push out enough radiation to eventually be really bad for nearby star systems, but that's something that would happen years or decades later, depending on distance. The Star Trek reboot had Spock racing against time to save Romulus from a catastrophic event no one saw coming. Then there was the matter of Scotty's miracle transporter that allowed him to transport from a planet onto the Enterprise which was moving at warp speed. No. Just…no. Transporters in Star Trek had a range of a few tens or hundreds of kilometers between relatively fixed points except in the most extreme circumstances. Scotty's transporter could transport matter a few light years onto a target moving many times faster than the speed of light.

Star Trek Into Darkness, meanwhile, pissed me off. Abrams could have gone anywhere and done anything but all he did was remake Wrath of Khan. But then he remade it so, so much worse. There's a dumb plot of going to war with the Klingons and the Enterprise takes on the Reliant's role of the smaller, weaker ship that has to outsmart the big, powerful warship. There's also some bog-standard JJ Abrams awful science, this time in the form of a transporter that allows Noonedict CumberKhan to transport from San Francisco to the Klingon homeworld of Qo'nos in the matter of seconds. This is universe-breaking stuff that Abrams just basically ignores because he's too fucking lazy to come up with something believable, like, say, Khan transporting to a goddamn ship that then hauls ass for Qo'nos. It also contains a lot of JJ Abrams' signature references to things fans will get as a stand-in for actually creating something fans will like. For instance, when Kirk, Spock, and Uhura try to sneak into Klingon space it's in a ship that the Enterprise apparently confiscated from Harvey Mudd and a Tribble makes for an important plot point.

One thing Abrams has never been, though, is a Trekker. Or a Trekkie. Or even a Trekkist. "Star Trek," he says, referring to the original TV series, "always felt like a silly, campy thing. I remember appreciating it, but feeling like I didn't get it. I felt it didn't give me a way in. There was a captain, there was this first officer, they were talking a lot about adventures and not having them as much as I would've liked. Maybe I wasn't smart enough, maybe I wasn't old enough." JJ promoted the film by telling everyone how he was really a Star Wars guy and Star Trek was him slumming it. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. No wonder everyone hates JJ.

Jar Jar Abrams is now busy fucking up Star Wars. Hans Solo looks like shit. Force Awakens was a pastiche of Empire Strikes back and some elements of Return of the Jedi. Abrams made a lot of money with it but that's because it was so cravenly nolstagic which a lot of star wars fans are fine with. After the hype machine got Force Awakens to break a lot of records, a lot of film critics woke up with a really bad hangover.

"[The film] is not very good … it's depressingly unimaginative and dull in long stretches, and — crucially — reproduces George Lucas‘ original 1977 movie slavishly almost to the point of plagiarism," wrote Michael Hiltzik in the LA Times on Monday.

"We've been played," declared Vice's Brian Merchant. "We've been served up a pretty unoriginal reboot that adds few, if any, new ideas to our greatest commercial mythology … and we're lapping it up."

"It has a problem common to big action movies: villains who are not only dull, but also in this case, retreads of old ideas and dynamics," concluded the Washington Post.

FORCE AWAKENS SUCKS.